A Heart Break is a Heart Break
When I look at the rollercoaster of emotion from my nieces who are three and now almost six years old, there is something so human and innate with what they feel. Feeling happy. Frustration. Anger. Feeling sad. Feeling love. There are some emotions that are just so big and too hard to put into words that for them it can only come out through hitting something, throwing a toy, and or crying uncontrollably. My nieces gift me the lens to see what the eyes of a child who has yet to experience much of the world or life is like, enlightening me, that the feelings and emotions they feel, Gomo (“Aunt” in Korean) can relate to too very well. There is a part of me that wants to shield them from the world and life and even spoon feed how they should be processing their emotions. I, Gomo, am no expert but I no longer resort to throwing and or hitting. The main difference between Gomo and nieces are our number of our experiences, where much of my experiences have helped me to expand more of my feelings and to know more words to narrate and process more emotions.
No matter how many times I go on dates and make myself vulnerable to connect with someone that results in some deep connection and then not working out, the words I would use are all the same.
Some slight dread that I’ll never find anyone. Needing to throw away the hopes and dreams I’ve built of spending time with this person in a future state. I’m alone once again. Why do these tears not stop? I feel so sad. I am grieving for the loss of a relationship…
When I was breaking it off with my latest romantic connection, he said something that probably encapsulated us the best and also validating what I was feeling.
“I’m losing a friend.”
Over the years, I find that many things change and evolve with how I go into dating and or how I go approach dating. Though the heart ache of a heart break feels like it never changes even now as I’m older and even with a different romantic partner’s face. My coping mechanisms have definitely changed over the years. Just treated myself to Gucci boots after watching a mind numbing few episodes of Single’s Inferno on Netflix. Even after all the Netflix and shopping, there is no escaping I still feel yet again, the universal, heart break.