What Am I Building?

I just sent off my girlfriend at the airport as she moved to Korea with her husband and child. After much deliberation, she uprooted herself from the place where her family, friends, and the life she had built so far in order to support her husband’s professional career on the other side of the world.

Perhaps it’s something I need to explore further and unpack. Is there such a thing that I will meet someone who feels so additive to my life that I would be convinced to move across the world to embrace a different life than I already know? Will there be someone with whom I will feel empowered and confident about what’s next or stepping into the unknown?

Currently unemployed, I’m psychoanalyzing to understand who am I beyond my job. Having lived in NYC, I’ve identified myself so much with my work, but at the end of the day, as much as I love my field and the type of work I’ve had the privilege to do, I know it’s merely a means to an end to do more. Though, what is that? What does “do more” beyond my job entail? Being a good daughter, sister, sister-in-law, aunt/aunty, friend, mentor, dog park buddy, and someone trying to practice her faith, all seem to be a start. I can’t help but shake the feeling I’m missing out on “do more” with a partner and building something with them.

As much as I desire a love that sweeps me off my feet, I hope whatever love I find (or it finds me) will be the kind of love where I can look at myself and my partner and feel like we make each other better and the world a better place. Until then, I’ll focus on myself in the midst of the demands and chaos of today and how I can contribute to making it better as an unemployed and somewhat untethered, but a hopeful romantic 37-year-old.